Satellite by Nick Lake

 Narrated by Leo who is 15 and writes in a kind of 'sms'ese. The language irks at the beginning but in a short while the story drags you in and you forget the irritating 'I c u's' etc. He was born on moon 2, an international space station and has lived there with twins Libra and Orion. At 16, they will be brought back to earth. A distant mother, an ex astronaut, now rancher grandfather and a company that monopolizes space travel (amazon?) and yuri (gagarin?) form the rest of the characters. We do not move far from Leo's orbit of emotions and experiences. Which is fine, he is obviously a teenager. The ending is good, though I had imagined some other fun outcome.

Spoilers ahead:

Wouldn't it have been fun if Leo, Libra and Orion had somehow moved to the moon, where Leo uses his intelligence to build a new society and Libra gardens with her magic fingers and Orion....well, he could broadcast symphonies from space!



7/10

Gray Mountain - John Grisham

The latest John Grisham at the lowest cost I have paid for a thriller yet. Thanks to the eCommerce price wars, I was able to buy this for Rs. 250. My advice is, buy all the books you can before it all upends and bursts all over the place. PS: The book is published by Hachette, which is also in a price war with Amazon. (The price for the same book in Amazon was 275, higher than Flipkart at 250)

Now to the book, it is classic John Grisham and it is not. The classic elements of the big bad guys and low David's, weird laws and the ins and outs of the American judicial system, small town America all there. But the "Hero" in this story - Samantha Kofer, who gets laid off from a big law firm during the 2008 financial crisis is mostly a spectator to the heroics of the rest of the cast. Moving to 'coal country' Virginia to work as an unpaid intern in a legal clinic, she encounters first hand the ravages of strip mining of coal and the effects it has on the local ecology and it's poverty stricken residents. What struck me again and again is that this could be a story happening in a third world country like mine. And call it coincidence or fluke, I came across this article on the very day I was reading the book - http://www.outlookindia.com/article/Accursed-County/292455. Read it please and find out the price we pay for 10% of the power in our own country.

What I loved about the book was that it's not a thriller in the strictest sense. There are just few changes in the 'big picture' before and after the events in the book, and there are no thrilling victories or even a moderately happy ending. The only change is in the mindset of the protagonist and in the ending, we do not even know whether it will last.

7/10

Avengers 2012

I love Joss Whedon and when I knew he was going to direct The Avengers, I expected the same irreverent brilliance of Firefly or the subtle romance of Angel or even the intricate plot play of Buffy. But what we got was a straight out superhero movie. Now is that a bad thing? If it wasn't Joss Whedon, I would have said no.

We had already been introduced to Thor, Captain America and ofcourse Ironman (and Black widow in Ironman) while each of these movies were good,. it felt like a lead up to the avengers, so my expectations were immense. Now I am going to divide this review into  tow parts. Here's why.

1. The first day, first show of the movie(don't ask me what all I had to do to get tickets and then only in the worst theatre in Chennai, more of that later), I had to walk out 3/4'th of the way. Life and career interfered. And when I walked out, let me tell you, I was vaguely, ok I admit immensely dissatisfied.  I know he was trying to establish the different characters, maybe even bring about a sense of uncohesiveness (is that a word) but it felt forced. We see Loki stealing the tesseract (infinite energy source) messing up Hawkeye and the scientist guy from Thor's heads and Nick fury (whistle, whistle) trying to bring the superheroes together. One plus point is that he hasn't tried to make the movie easier for non fans, but i wanted more banter, more fun, more ....I don't know.....masala!

2. Then I booked the second time in Sathyam Cinemas and thank god, because - what a difference! Entire scenes became clearer and there were little points that I missed in Inox because of the dirty, dark screen. This time too even with the massive improvement in viewing pleasure I wasn't very happy except with Mr. Bruce Banner (I looouuurve you Hulk) and then the 3/4'th I had missed came, and I was happy. Very happy. Because Mr. Whedon redeems himslef in the final portion of the movie, we get everything we wanted and more with a huge splash of big and green!

7/10


PS: Public Service warning: Never ever watch movies at Inox, the screen dirty, the projection is horrendous! You will not realise it until you watch the same movie in Inox and Sathyam. The difference is massive! In Inox, faces are blurred, the screen is dark and above all, because the image is so unfocussed and blurred, you can even miss out plot points!

Netherland Joseph O'Neill

There are very few authors who can transfer a characters emotion on to the reader. Recreate the feeling so well, that you find yourself breathing the very same atmosphere as the protagonist, Joseph O Neill has done this and much more.

We follow Hans back and forth, almost literally as the novel highlights his displacement, in New York around 9/11, his wife's home in London and his own childhood in Holland. His estrangement with his wife, the distance with his mother, his own lethargy, his feeling towards his child with an undercurrent of Chuck Ramkissoon - a friend? his boatman through the purgatory? We are never too sure.He takes Hans through immigrant New York, through shady deals and Hans discovers ethnic food, driving license horrors and of course cricket.

I am not a cricket fan, and though the prose was especially fine, I got a little bored with the descriptions. May appeal to a cricket fan. All in all, a great read for a rainy afternoon, if you have those where you come from.

6/10

Murder on a Side Street Salil Desai

I had just finished reading a short story collection co authored by this guy and was bemoaning the fact that even Indian authors use western pop culture references. Then I came across this book and I must admit the main reason I bought it was the extremely low price and the word murder on the cover. I needed a brainless timepass break and I got it. With Indian pop culture references, very few, but they were there!

The story follows a group of 'friends' who meet in a 'cafe' - Ok the similarity ends there. They are couples found in most corners of modern India. One of them is accused of murdering his foul mouthed boss and arrested and ofcourse the rest of the friends try to investigate and clear his name. There are cliches abound, and the only thing that keeps you reasonably interested are the suspects and two or three of the friends, especially jerry and his girlfriend, each etched out rather well for such a no-brainer story. And following in the best Agatha Christie tradition, the least possible suspect is the murderer.

6/10

7 Arivu 2011

Where do I begin?
7 am arivu, roughly translates as 7'th sense. It should have been named the 7 nonsenses. I feel for Murugadoss, he had a fantastic plot. A great idea inspired from a may or may not be south Indian called Bodhidharma ( not proven yet, check wikipedia) and a great connection to modern day India and it's red neighbour. But he decides that since he is the director he has to do everything (direct, dialogue, story and screenplay and even appear onscreen) with devastating results.

The first portion starts of with great promise. Surya in the Pallava era is yum yum yummy. The only distraction is that Muragadoss takes a leaf out of Goutham Menon's book and goes for the easiest route - Narration. Ok, we suspend disbelief and bask in Surya's expressive eyes and six pack, or was it eight? and beautiful locales. Then we return to modern India and here the 7 nonsenses start one after the other.
Spoilers Galore!

Nonsense 1:

We are the sineese. We speak like the Bangalis and look like the Assamese.
All the chinese officials speak English at their official meetings.
We hab to keeeel her.
Then there is the state sponsored Bio war on India. Wow, Mr. Murugs do we really need to escalate hatred, when everyone else is trying just the opposite? And who do the Chinese hire - Shaolin Mind bending monks who are actually Thai ofcourse!


Nonsense 2:

Girl, you have a beautiful voice when you sing. Stick to it. Acting - well Kamal Haasan's acting genes and your mummy's grace genes have yet to be activated, try lying in a water tank for a few days. Cos that's the brilliant thing you do to activate Bodhidharma's dna as a final year Bio Engineering student.
Yes, heights of educational nonsense. A final year project that is the envy of the world, never done before yet can be done with a tank of water, ECG machine and an injection on the spine sourced from Apollo pharmacies while eating food from Nilgiris and speaking on Aircel cellphones. If only our educational system was this good!


PS: The item girl /backup dancer should not wear the same dress you wear in a song before you. And I have the same Biba salwar you wore, same pinch, for once I'm the fasion trendy! and change your stylist.



Nonsense 3:

Dont language lickass, that regime is long gone, even if they produced your movie.Especially if you give one of the most englipeess peterrr accented heroines, a sutha thamizh support speech after some unnecessary monkey/donkey insult is hurled at it. Then you make it a bharani paatu (for the uninitiated - a litany of cuss words)




Nonsense 4:

Yes we have to bring in the directors politics in a sci fi / fantasy /romance movie and make some long winded, confusing statement without naming the country or the guerilla organisation and then give a meaningful pause at the end while the audience scrambles their mind to find out what was just said.

Then the putting the females down. For  moment I thought I was in an Illai Thalapathi movie. The girl rejects boy and suddenly the entire female species is a fooking biyyatch!



Nonsense 5:

24 is long gone, we dont need those backward countdown on black background to distract from already maddeningly distracting movie.


Nonsense 6:

6 a)The mindfucking with a glance was taking to lengths until it became the sole plot forwarder. The only reason I didn't walk out of the theater after the 28'th time it was used, was because of the guy doing it. He was as hot as Thai curry and as cool as ice kachang and tragically yummier than redhead Surya.

b) And a whole police station is massacred, a whole junction full of cars demolished and nobody investigates!

c) Final fight scene among maple leaves!!





Nonsense 7:

The biggest nonsense in the movie, the one that takes it to another level of nonsense. The nonscience!
Director of the hits, please. You were making a movie with a plot that totally hinges on the science, in a state known for its engineers and scientists (who are all settled abroad of course) then please hire a science consultant, or even a first year BSc science student, they will tell you, you were so wide off the mark that even the Hindu Makkal Katchi will scoff at your theories. Dude, you shot in IIT, you should have just asked a passing nerd to fill in the gaps. All he would have needed in exchange was a look at shruti haasan's discarded underwear, bra strap or something.


PPS: Now there were bits of sense, like the time the villiciousness kills the fast track guy. The ordinary gutter cleaner and college girl doing what passes for Shaolin king fu - great and ofcourse, poor Surya who tried so so hard, but his hair colour will be remembered more than his role in this movie. Again - Brilliant choice of villain hotness.

3/10 mainly due to the nonscience.

Johnny English Reborn 2011

Rowan Atkinson, please stick to Mr. Bean.  The movies drags on without a clue whether it wants to be a bond movie or the spoof of one. Rowan Atkinson meanders through the movie wondering whether he is on a Bond movie set or a Mr. Bean one. There is a token black guy, Gillian Anderson looks over botoxed and Rosamund Pike (doesn't she look like Audrey Tautou?)looks pretty dumb. Sorry, pretty and dumb.
Miss it unless you are a hardcore Mr. Bean fan.
2/10

Drive 2011

This homage to 70's or 80's style movie making with the neon pink opening credits and Ryan Gosling as the hero left me disoriented for a moment, trying to adjust to a whole new aesthetic where Ryan Gosling was a action hero, pink neon was acceptable for a macho movie and the dark ,slow pace was in store, rather than the quick, in your face, move or die movies that we have today.

Ryan Gosling is a getaway driver, stunt driver, mechanic and loner. Shown beautifully in that order without three complete sentences being spoken. Carey Mulligan is Irene, his neighbour, mother of Benecio and wife of Standard, currently in jail. Again shown in that order with minimum fuss and maximum effect. They start spending some time together and soon the driver is part of the little family. Shannon (Bryan Cranston) is the father figure mechanic/manager who has big plans for the driver. Borrowing money from Bernie (Albert Brooks) and partner Nino (Ron Perlman) to fund a car to race with the driver. The bluish days and almost sepia nights pass and the characters build up slowly. Then a small conflict appears, the husband returns from prison. Loving and repentant. We wonder where these beautifully, slowly carved characters are sliding down to. Sliding down they are, the mood of premonition is strong. Each shot is like a story in itself. If I have used the word beautiful too much, it's too less. The husband is beaten up by some goons to whom he owns money and now think they own him. They want him to rob a pawn shop or else...Driver helps because he knows the violence is going to spill to the mother and child. Whatever build up the characters had, shatters, yet we want more. The film progresses in an unpredictable orchestra of silence and violence.  Foreplay, but with S & M overtones, the masochistic audience opens up with the smooth caresses, the silences and the thrill of repressed aggression then BAM! Blood and brains splatter around to animal screams, it slaps us in the face, we turn out of breathe, yet we want more. And each time we think the climax is approaching, the veil of aggressive silence falls back again. Albert Brooks is brilliant, Christina Hendricks in a small yet memorable role (I'm partial to her curves, mostly hidden here) Carey Mulligan does a competent job, the kid is cute and not irritatingly so, the only down side being Ryan Gosling who looks slightly uncomfortable, but we know is at his very best.

9/10

Plugged - Eoin Colfer

The writer of Artemis Fowl and the gutsy sequeler of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, you know you will have a good time reading Mr. Colfer. So did not hesitate paying the 10% money and lending the book. It was funny and hard to believe and the romance was more in lines of 10 year olds who pull the pigtails of the girls they have crushes on, but all in all fun.

Dan is an Irish, ex peacekeeper who works as a bouncer at a bar/casino/prostitution hellhole. There is a lot of guns and fighting involved and a fair bit of irish mockery. But somewhere along the line you feel the writers voice, a very low esteemed writers voice wondering if all this working. People are shot, the hero saves the day, then he does it again and then again. And it all ends happily. Somewhat.

Mankatha 2011

Anticipation is a bitch. More so when you finally get to see the movie all that energy is wasted. Mankatha was like a slap on the face. It was like Venkat Prabhu played a game - on us. The opening credits are wonderful, walk out after it if you value three hours of your time.

This piece of *&$^%* movie starts with an an action sequence that is average and then leads to a song that has Laxmi Rai gyrating in one of the ugliest dresses I have seen. Ajith dances around her like he is ashamed of being there, which he should be. We are then introduced to "action king" Arjun (we are reminded he is an "action king" throughout the movie) who is part of some special force to tackle betting. The usual Venkat Prabhu characters appear, who are all part of the betting evil in some way or the other. This also includes Trisha and her betting boss father. They all plan to steal the betting money that will come in during the IPL finals and they do and then everybody double crosses and triple crosses each other.

Ajith's salt and pepper hair and a wonderful drunk dialogue in a car are the only high points. "Action King Arjun" looks so haggard that at a point where a green plate is smashed against his face, the plate and face look the same colour. Premji does the same old thing and this time the 'trying so hard to be funny' background music and 'one liners out of some parallel dimension that has no connection to what is happening in the scene' make you feel like puking. The horrible songs land out of nowhere. This has tempted me to write a letter to Venkat Prabhu and Ajith.

Dear Mr. Venkat Prabhu and Ajith,

I will keep this letter as short simple bullet points since I know you suffer from some sort of attention deficit disorder. How else can your movie jump from one point to another with rhyme or reason.

1. The public is not composed of people with the IQ level of George Bush.

2. You want to copy a Hollywood/Bollywood movie. Copy it well.

3. Cool dialogue writing does not mean sprinkling words like "Money Money Money" and "Silly Girl" and ofcourse the going to be cult classic "Cheap Phone" 

4. Even drunken, drug fueled, schizophrenic writing can be better. Try it. 

5.  Shame on you for spending crores on this movie without even having a basic plot or idea about how movies are made. Watch people abroad do a million times better work than you - on TV - week after week. eg Hustle, Leverage, Numbers and so much more. Even the most stupid of VIP episodes is better than your movie.

6. IF I SEE YOU, RUN COS I WANT MY MONEY AND THREE HOURS BACK!!

Captain America 2011

Captain America released on the Indian Independence Day weekend was irony enough. The story of digitally shrunk Steve Rogers turning into the six packed Captain America should have been a fun watch, instead, after the first half of building up, it turns into a campy, corny almost Captain Vijaykanth type of B movie.

Steve Rogers is the impossibly tiny. asthmatic guy with the proverbial heart of gold, never give up attitude and can take punches all day long. Please remember because they keep irritatingly recurring throughout the movie. He is spotted giving an impassioned speech about joining the army after 4 failed tries by Stanley Tucci's character and immediately drafted into a special programme that ultimately hopes to create super soldiers. Perfect backstory for a villian nowadays, but this is Captain America. He is first used as a PR tool to sell war bonds. Then the heroine tells him he is meant for bigger things so he goes to rescue a group of captive soldiers. Meanwhile Mr. Smith/ V / Elrond /Megatron who is also the Red Skull finds some blue coloured cube that we the audience has no idea about. Then he keeps running from Captain America although he is strong enough to kick  his ass. In between he also tears away his skin and bleeds through his ear.  Then the futuristic weapons and multitude of super soldiers have one glaring weakness. They can never shoot straight. Even Captain Vijaykanth puts in some bullets scraping him. The blah blah and he crashes in the arctic to save the world and wakes up in Voila! 2011.
There is some peggy female with impeccable lipstick too. She is the only woman around and some feminist lines are spewed, but everybody is too busy staring at her curves and siren pout.

I have no clue how it got so many good reviews. At its best, its a backstory for the Avengers movie.

4/10

The Last Airbender - 2010

One hit wonder Manoj N Shyamalan tries and fails so miserably that you are left looking at a movie that reminds you of some expensive, exotic animal that has turned into roadkill. The acting so wooden, the lines so cliched, you can almost say them along with the characters even if you have never seen the movie before. It's an insult to the viewer. The storyline has so much promise  - The fire nation (run by Indians) has taken over the water. earth and air bending nations. Bending involves manipulating the elements and an avatar can manipulate all the elements. All the benders have been massacred by the fire nation when an avatar who was stuck in ice for a 100 years appears. Then the stupidity begins. I sincerely hope that more money is not wasted on sequels. That money would find better use even if it was sunk to the bottom of the ocean where M N Shyamalan cannot ever reach it or even try to make another movie.

2/10

A loyal Character Dancer - Qiu Xiaolong

If you love reading about exotic geographies, lives of people living in different cultures and political scenarios, then you will kind of enjoy the book. If you are looking for a good murder, mystery, plot then don't bother. A lot of the story seems contrived. Inspector Chen - Policeman, Poet, Translator and English speaker; is told by his mentor Party Secretary Li to accompany and host a US Marshall Catherin Rohn, who is obviously pretty and available. She is here to accompany the pregnant wife of Feng who is in the witness protection program, waiting to to testify against the head of a triad. Then there is also a dead body in the Bund which at the end of the book conveniently ties up to the missing woman case. The cultural revolution, the re education of the youth by Mao, all these are beautifully weaved into the plot. But the plot in itself is threadbare, filled with twists that seem too contrived.

4/10

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara 2011

I didn't want to watch this movie. Hrithik Roshan makes me slightly nauseous. But since Zoya Akhtar had given a decent Luck By chance, I decided to take a chance on this one. It was a fun movie. The usual three protagonists and Ray Ban, Mountain Dew, Canon and of course Spain Tourism. The product placements were obvious, so was the plot and so were the characters. It was like skimming across the lives of three good looking men two of whom had problems that stemmed with having too much money [give me those problems anyday] and the other one had daddy issues. Spain is gorgeous, so is Hrithik and Katrina. Farhan Akhtar is talented and for some weird reason Abhay Deol looks gay. Though he does have guts dancing with the stupendous Hrithik and the above average Farhan. Kalki Koechlin is believable as a rich spoilt girl. The only time the film rises above its good looks is when Farhan Akhtar recites those beautiful lines written by his father. If only he could deliver them without that cutesy lisp and gravelly voice.

5/10

Delhi Belly 2011

Wriiten by Akshat Verma and directed by Abhinay Deo, Delhi Belly is an irreverent look at life. Done and finessed by a number of Hollywood and European films, but new to India. Three protagonists, two women, lots of toilet scenes, one bag of diamonds and ofcourse the sadistic yet funny villain. A few scenes are original, the women are not brainless imps, except the one who is supposed to be a brainless imp and the pace is fun and fast. All in all, a great effort!

7/10

The Coroner's Lunch - Colin Cotterill

I had read one book that was touted as having the charm of an Alexander Mcall book and had burnt my fingers, or rather my brain. [Inspector Ghote Series - I advice a distance of 10 miles from them if possible] So this time I was a little vary.

Colin Cotterill's coroner Dr. Siri was based out of Laos. That sounded promising. Then there was the achingly honest yet funny descriptions of the protagonist's life and the communist state of Lao. No judgements are made. Like MCall Smith, the really bad parts are glossed over, but they are there. The plot is riveting and soon you come to like and even love the reluctant coroner and his staff. It's a whodunit that winds and wheezes with a hint of fantasy and a whiff of otherworldliness while rooted in the very practical and human Dr. I am looking forward to reading the rest of the series.

7/10

I shall wear midnight - Terry Pratchett

I love the discworld series although most of the major plot points are immensely forgettable - though it does not matter in the least. The joy of reading the discworld series is that you read it, you feel good, you chuckle, you grin and sometimes you laugh outright loud and scare whoever is sitting next to you. Terry Pratchett is a treasure and has helped me through many a bad client, grumpy husband, end of mad chaotic day and PMS's. The Unseen University, the witches, trolls, Ankh Morpork, Captain Carrot, the mud river, the magic, the food, the entire world inside his head is so relatable yet so fantastic. I shall wear midnight is my current favourite. It has Tiffany the witch, who is one of my favourite characters. It has the feegles and it has a wedding and funeral together. It doesn't have DEATH, who is another one of my favourites and if you are thoroughly confused by now, read the book, I strongly advice you, and you will be pleasantly confused.

Rendevous with Rama - Arthur C Clarke

Its a classic. What more can I say. Even in the 2011, it takes your breath away. A cylindrical object is seen in the sky and investigations proves its an ET object. The landing on the object and the investigations are detailed so beautifully and the object described with so much imagination and innovation. It's a must read for any sci fi fan. Actually its a must read for anybody with a science background.

9/10

Faces in the water - Ranjit Lal

It has such a promising plot. A family where girls are never born and a well that keeps them healthy. You can spot the connection. Anyways our protagonist Gurmi is sent to the ancestral house where the well is because his house is undergoing renovation. We are introduced to his immensely unlikable family and then later to his immensely likeable ghost/ parallel universe / spirit sisters who live down in the well. It goes reasonably well for a few chapters and then things turn simperingly holier than thou. The murderers are not taught their lesson, but helped by the eldest in the kitchen (this really rankled me) and the youngest with a series of ghostly hugs and kisses. I could readily believe girls living at the bottom of the well, but I couldn't believe that people who murder young babies by throwing them in a well would change in a few weeks. Plus the girls at the bottom of the well would be all light, love and kitchen help. It all ends well with enough sweetness to cause diabetes.
I know children have to be taught to be patient and good and not retaliate, but this book takes it to extremes.
4/10

Hangover 2 -2011

What the F*&%*!! in a bad way.

Bangkok is known for knock offs, as many a stingy Chennai fashionista knows. The perfect copy of that horrendously expensive Vuitton bag at a tenth of the price. The writers of Hangover (1 or 2 doesn't make a difference) have captured that quality perfectly. It's an exact duplicate of the first part, except for the fact that it is made in Bangkok. The same jokes, the same one liners, the same situations. Instead of pulling out a tooth, an extremely irritating Stu gets a tattoo (ha ha) and gets laid by a hooker (with a small expected twist) They loose Teddy( not a bear but a cute 16 yr old brother of the bride) and they find a monkey instead of a tiger and we get to see a lot of penises, including Chows shitake mushroom tasting one. (don't even ask) There were absolutely no laugh out loud moments, no surprises and no 'Alan' moments too. Even the cast didn't look like they were having any fun. Even you wouldn't find it too nice if you were shown only a shitty hotel, the roof of a building and a single beach in the whole of lovely Thailand.Oh - there is a cute monk too who is funny only at the expected final photo montage. Shame on you Hangover writers.

0/10