Mankatha 2011

Anticipation is a bitch. More so when you finally get to see the movie all that energy is wasted. Mankatha was like a slap on the face. It was like Venkat Prabhu played a game - on us. The opening credits are wonderful, walk out after it if you value three hours of your time.

This piece of *&$^%* movie starts with an an action sequence that is average and then leads to a song that has Laxmi Rai gyrating in one of the ugliest dresses I have seen. Ajith dances around her like he is ashamed of being there, which he should be. We are then introduced to "action king" Arjun (we are reminded he is an "action king" throughout the movie) who is part of some special force to tackle betting. The usual Venkat Prabhu characters appear, who are all part of the betting evil in some way or the other. This also includes Trisha and her betting boss father. They all plan to steal the betting money that will come in during the IPL finals and they do and then everybody double crosses and triple crosses each other.

Ajith's salt and pepper hair and a wonderful drunk dialogue in a car are the only high points. "Action King Arjun" looks so haggard that at a point where a green plate is smashed against his face, the plate and face look the same colour. Premji does the same old thing and this time the 'trying so hard to be funny' background music and 'one liners out of some parallel dimension that has no connection to what is happening in the scene' make you feel like puking. The horrible songs land out of nowhere. This has tempted me to write a letter to Venkat Prabhu and Ajith.

Dear Mr. Venkat Prabhu and Ajith,

I will keep this letter as short simple bullet points since I know you suffer from some sort of attention deficit disorder. How else can your movie jump from one point to another with rhyme or reason.

1. The public is not composed of people with the IQ level of George Bush.

2. You want to copy a Hollywood/Bollywood movie. Copy it well.

3. Cool dialogue writing does not mean sprinkling words like "Money Money Money" and "Silly Girl" and ofcourse the going to be cult classic "Cheap Phone" 

4. Even drunken, drug fueled, schizophrenic writing can be better. Try it. 

5.  Shame on you for spending crores on this movie without even having a basic plot or idea about how movies are made. Watch people abroad do a million times better work than you - on TV - week after week. eg Hustle, Leverage, Numbers and so much more. Even the most stupid of VIP episodes is better than your movie.

6. IF I SEE YOU, RUN COS I WANT MY MONEY AND THREE HOURS BACK!!

Captain America 2011

Captain America released on the Indian Independence Day weekend was irony enough. The story of digitally shrunk Steve Rogers turning into the six packed Captain America should have been a fun watch, instead, after the first half of building up, it turns into a campy, corny almost Captain Vijaykanth type of B movie.

Steve Rogers is the impossibly tiny. asthmatic guy with the proverbial heart of gold, never give up attitude and can take punches all day long. Please remember because they keep irritatingly recurring throughout the movie. He is spotted giving an impassioned speech about joining the army after 4 failed tries by Stanley Tucci's character and immediately drafted into a special programme that ultimately hopes to create super soldiers. Perfect backstory for a villian nowadays, but this is Captain America. He is first used as a PR tool to sell war bonds. Then the heroine tells him he is meant for bigger things so he goes to rescue a group of captive soldiers. Meanwhile Mr. Smith/ V / Elrond /Megatron who is also the Red Skull finds some blue coloured cube that we the audience has no idea about. Then he keeps running from Captain America although he is strong enough to kick  his ass. In between he also tears away his skin and bleeds through his ear.  Then the futuristic weapons and multitude of super soldiers have one glaring weakness. They can never shoot straight. Even Captain Vijaykanth puts in some bullets scraping him. The blah blah and he crashes in the arctic to save the world and wakes up in Voila! 2011.
There is some peggy female with impeccable lipstick too. She is the only woman around and some feminist lines are spewed, but everybody is too busy staring at her curves and siren pout.

I have no clue how it got so many good reviews. At its best, its a backstory for the Avengers movie.

4/10

The Last Airbender - 2010

One hit wonder Manoj N Shyamalan tries and fails so miserably that you are left looking at a movie that reminds you of some expensive, exotic animal that has turned into roadkill. The acting so wooden, the lines so cliched, you can almost say them along with the characters even if you have never seen the movie before. It's an insult to the viewer. The storyline has so much promise  - The fire nation (run by Indians) has taken over the water. earth and air bending nations. Bending involves manipulating the elements and an avatar can manipulate all the elements. All the benders have been massacred by the fire nation when an avatar who was stuck in ice for a 100 years appears. Then the stupidity begins. I sincerely hope that more money is not wasted on sequels. That money would find better use even if it was sunk to the bottom of the ocean where M N Shyamalan cannot ever reach it or even try to make another movie.

2/10

A loyal Character Dancer - Qiu Xiaolong

If you love reading about exotic geographies, lives of people living in different cultures and political scenarios, then you will kind of enjoy the book. If you are looking for a good murder, mystery, plot then don't bother. A lot of the story seems contrived. Inspector Chen - Policeman, Poet, Translator and English speaker; is told by his mentor Party Secretary Li to accompany and host a US Marshall Catherin Rohn, who is obviously pretty and available. She is here to accompany the pregnant wife of Feng who is in the witness protection program, waiting to to testify against the head of a triad. Then there is also a dead body in the Bund which at the end of the book conveniently ties up to the missing woman case. The cultural revolution, the re education of the youth by Mao, all these are beautifully weaved into the plot. But the plot in itself is threadbare, filled with twists that seem too contrived.

4/10

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara 2011

I didn't want to watch this movie. Hrithik Roshan makes me slightly nauseous. But since Zoya Akhtar had given a decent Luck By chance, I decided to take a chance on this one. It was a fun movie. The usual three protagonists and Ray Ban, Mountain Dew, Canon and of course Spain Tourism. The product placements were obvious, so was the plot and so were the characters. It was like skimming across the lives of three good looking men two of whom had problems that stemmed with having too much money [give me those problems anyday] and the other one had daddy issues. Spain is gorgeous, so is Hrithik and Katrina. Farhan Akhtar is talented and for some weird reason Abhay Deol looks gay. Though he does have guts dancing with the stupendous Hrithik and the above average Farhan. Kalki Koechlin is believable as a rich spoilt girl. The only time the film rises above its good looks is when Farhan Akhtar recites those beautiful lines written by his father. If only he could deliver them without that cutesy lisp and gravelly voice.

5/10

Delhi Belly 2011

Wriiten by Akshat Verma and directed by Abhinay Deo, Delhi Belly is an irreverent look at life. Done and finessed by a number of Hollywood and European films, but new to India. Three protagonists, two women, lots of toilet scenes, one bag of diamonds and ofcourse the sadistic yet funny villain. A few scenes are original, the women are not brainless imps, except the one who is supposed to be a brainless imp and the pace is fun and fast. All in all, a great effort!

7/10

The Coroner's Lunch - Colin Cotterill

I had read one book that was touted as having the charm of an Alexander Mcall book and had burnt my fingers, or rather my brain. [Inspector Ghote Series - I advice a distance of 10 miles from them if possible] So this time I was a little vary.

Colin Cotterill's coroner Dr. Siri was based out of Laos. That sounded promising. Then there was the achingly honest yet funny descriptions of the protagonist's life and the communist state of Lao. No judgements are made. Like MCall Smith, the really bad parts are glossed over, but they are there. The plot is riveting and soon you come to like and even love the reluctant coroner and his staff. It's a whodunit that winds and wheezes with a hint of fantasy and a whiff of otherworldliness while rooted in the very practical and human Dr. I am looking forward to reading the rest of the series.

7/10